A popular talk show on a television channel.
A woman says, “I love my husband unconditionally. No matter what, I will continue to love him.”
And I say, “BAAAAH!”
For marital relationship is the one defined the most by conditions! Right from the altar! Be it love, arranged or love-cum-arranged (really perplexing one!) marriage.
Scout numerous matrimonial sites and you will have your answer:
Seeking tall, fair, handsome, professionally qualified, employed Tamil Iyer boy for our daughter.
Seeking fair, beautiful, homely, God-fearing, well-educated girl from the same caste for our boy (H1B-visa).
Now, how do you term these?!!! You protract the scope of the candidature so much that even if one eligibility criterion goes missing, he or she may not end up sharing your life.
Love marriage does not depart either from established norms. From the 10 some guys you encounter at college or at office, based on your preferences, you will distill and re-distill to 2-3 suitable bachelors. You might not do it openly, consciously, but it still is inevitable. And these feelings sprout and get rooted to the crevices of your sub-conscious mind.
Personally, I endorse both the above approaches. Cos I like being honest with myself. It’s only natural that one chooses a partner who matches upto you in character, appearance, personality and sometimes academic qualifications too.
It’s engrained in human nature to expect and structure a relationship on those expectations, before and in marriage. If these expectations are not met, resentment results. For none can only GIVE love. Likewise, none should only TAKE love. It’s an exchange, always!
Imagine… the woman on the TV show has a husband who is a drunkard and gets entangled in extramarital affairs! Will the woman still shower unconditional love and say with a smile,
“Darling, I still love you!” Now don’t contend with the argument: her unconditional love for him will set him on the right path! That happens in movies, not in real life! Further, it’s not a partner’s duty to correct the other morally astray partner.
And if the woman still defended her retro concept of unconditional love, then one of the possibilities arises:
- she is unquestionably wallowing in self-pity and celebrating her martyrdom in her mentally sick way
- her unconditional love is euphemism for a compromised life and stoicism
- she is bound by socio-economic parameters
Whichever it is, please come to your senses!
For love cannot be unconditional at the cost of trust, mutual understanding and self-respect.
If it does, then it’s no love at all!
However, a marital equation need not remain one-dimensional with perpetually serious attitude towards life. Lighten it up! Live it up! Of course, conditions apply, once again. In all joviality though! :)
You don’t allow me to watch my favorite serial for your sports program.
I hide the remote. :)
You don’t take me out during weekend.
I add two extra spoons of chilli powder to the sambar on Monday. :)
You forget anniversary, birthday.
I don’t let go till I get an extra pair of diamond earrings. :)
You don’t appreciate my cooking lavishly.
I give you thayir sadam + pickle for the following two days. :)
You turn on your laptop to prepare a list similar to the above.
I will invite viruses to your laptop. :)
Yes, yes people…I know, I know…. am unstoppable at this!!! Am louuuuuuvvving eeeet!!! LOL :) Anyway, more creative the mind, wider the options. Rest in your hands! ;-) :)
Now jokes apart, I vehemently reiterate, even at the risk of sounding unpleasant to chauvinists, male and female alike: do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Otherwise, it’s Time Out for you! Out from wedlock and straight into desolation.
Please don’t forget, life must be a win-win, for you and your partner.
One last thing to the men in our lives: don’t be surprised if tomorrow you find our daughter or son screaming at me wildly, slamming the door on me… and the next day morning I still talk to her or him like nothing happened!!!
That’s the sanctity of motherhood: the only unconditional love ever possible!
Applies to your mom, my mom and to me as a mother too.
For everything else, Conditions Apply, Honey! :)
