Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Stop idealizing, people!


Recently, a ‘Tiger’ lost his way in the ‘Woods’ of sexual quagmire. And this hornet’s nest proved to be challenging to his fans and audience…as much as it was for Tiger Woods!

Disappointed and disillusioned, his admirers saw a hero fall off the pedestal! Sports aficionados were ‘hurt’ by Woods’ extra marital affairs. It was a ‘betrayal’ not just to Elin Nordegren, but to millions of golf enthusiasts across the globe. The breach of trust left his followers shattered!

Who is to blame for this disenchantment? Tiger Woods? Absolutely!
However, there is one more answer to it: his fans themselves!

In today’s world, value systems and moral codes are on the fast lane to degeneration. How far you bank on another person is how far you are prepared to risk your judgment. The more you place confidence, the more fatal your fall could be…when he/she lets you down. Idol, star, beau ideal…are words to be erased off the dictionary of modern characterization.

The unhealthy trend to epitomize another person plagues not only one’s social environment but also one’s personal sphere. A father whom you esteemed, a mother whom you wondered at, a spouse whom you cherished could very well be committing adultery, involved in unbecoming deeds or even be nefarious.

What will you do then? Ventilate publicly, splash it around or simply broadcast it??!! My guess is – a likely NO.

You will begin to internalize the pain caused by such deception. Things will fall apart. Anger at oneself for the misplaced trust can lead to drastic emotional disturbance. Finally, once bitten twice shy, you will be reluctant to pin your hopes on someone else who really could be genuine in character. It turns out to be your loss at the end of the day!

So just stop the adoration that could push you down the path to uncertainty. Believe more in yourself than in others. Maintain a degree of objectivity in your relationships. It’s undoubtedly difficult, but not impossible.

As Lord Buddha preached, suffering has a cause. Let that cause not be yourself.

Ultimately, my words are not to emphasize a dystopian approach, but is just a call to prudence and caution.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Practice Before Preaching? Not Necessary.


Well… my above statement is definitely not an attempt at reinventing the wheel or subverting time-tested adages. It is a mere realisation that dawned upon me during a casual conversation with a friend.

It might not be accepted universally. Personally, it has struck a chord with me.

So what was the repartee that stirred me into penning my thoughts?
Here it goes…

A very good friend of mine and I were discussing how to reap the best out of our everyday lives. A plethora of possibilities emerged! Physical wellness, effective stress management, stabilising relationships, personal time and so on…….

In this wave of thought, my friend suggested several options to explore. Quoting her, “you exercise regularly, practice yoga, eat well, listen to soothing music, take up writing, have lesser expectations, be confident, have more hobbies and try to hold back your temper for 30 seconds before you blurt out”.

She went non-stop. Suddenly she paused….for a sec or so. Resuming her monologue she said in a self-critical tone, “I myself don’t do much of what I told you, but anyway”.

Instantly, a halo of enlightenment around me! :):)
Her momentary digression has now set me on path.

Her words had triggered a question in me and I found the answer to it…almost immediately: you don’t have to necessarily practise before preaching. All that qualifies you to give advice is that you care for me, love me abundantly and are genuinely interested in my welfare.

The person advocating might not be impeccable or hardly adhering to his/her words. Nevertheless, their love for us is undiminished. And what better criterion than pure love to urge someone into action??!!!!! Well, at least I don’t require anything more.

The lacunae (if I may use the term) in their existence does not stop them from wanting good for the others in their lives. This has to be respected. And it is applicable to all relationships, especially parents.

Many a times I have scorned directly and otherwise at my parents for prescribing action plans, especially if it is to do with academics or behaviour. I was convinced that they would not have followed all the instructions they gave me. So why should I listen?

I regret it now.

Undoubtedly, I will repeat the same parental instincts when am nurturing a child. I only hope that my kid is wiser enough than me to understand the depth of true affection and not find fault with me. :):)

Now that I’ve captured my mental scribbles on to this blog, you-as-a-reader still might trick me into something new…what if the person counselling is not a near and dear one?

Frankly, I don’t have a reply.

Whether my-so-far-stated-argument applies to strangers and acquaintances is another debate altogether. I will surely delve into it…sooner or later in another blog.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I Have To Confess!

Hi guys,
I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE…

I’ve never really had an opportunity to help people in need or ever made an attempt to create one. But when the right opportunity came my way, I was in for a shock. Shocked, not because of the people I encountered, but because of the chances I had lost all along to make a difference to the world.

However, in life, if you want to serve society….you actually need to be and are invariably selfish!

Confused!!!??? Am I contradicting myself now? No, not at all.

If you give it a deep thought, every person is selfish. Nobody is really selfless.

Let me give you an example, when somebody is out of your life for some reason, “you” miss them. Your words “I miss you” might make them happy. But the truth is that their absence makes ‘you’ unhappy. You put yourself first and then come the others, (applicable to life partners also). But now you don’t have to wriggle in guilt at this natural phenomenon. You just have to ponder about what makes you happy, that’s all.

Therefore, if I were to take this one step further and sincerely advocate that henceforth every human being needs to be selfish and think of his or her happiness only, would it make sense? Yes, it would, if it is to do with serving society in all genuineness.

For instance, when you offer emotional comfort or financial aid to a child who otherwise leads a vapid, impoverished life…what do you get in return? Well… you see an innocent, heartfelt and thankful smile on the child’s face, which would melt any rock! And you rejoice on such an angelic response.

My intention here, however, is not to reduce this benevolent deed to a mere Return On Investment equation. But I strive to point out that you are both the giver and the taker simultaneously. You share a smile and you get back a smile. It’s always a win-win.

A good Samaritan makes himself/herself happy by making others happy. To help oneself attain satisfaction and inner peace, one has to reach out to others. Hence being selfish is a selfless act in itself! Now isn’t that noble?!

So folks start being selfish! Sow the seeds for a better tomorrow!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Between You And Me

It is a fine Monday morning at the Government Arts College, Chennai. Sprightly laughter and cheerful repartees fill the air as young girls and guys flock to get initiated into the life of a fresher on their first day at college. And so did Anu! She was bubbling with enthusiasm. The secret of her happiness lies in the fact that this college life will throw open to her the pleasures of wonderful friendship with special people.

For someone who had been orphaned at birth and confined to the harshness of a boarding school, true love and kindness were the ultimate gratifications that life could offer. And her prayers were answered soon. For Anu’s very first acquaintance with Ramya, her classmate, marked the beginning of a touching story of friendship.

Time flew by. Anu grew fonder of Ramya. Ramya was the most important person to her in the entire world. In fact, someone she could not do without. Such was the love and friendship she felt for Ramya. And she thanked all the Gods for this – not once or twice but every other morning.

It is 7.30 a.m. - time for breakfast at the Women’s Hostel where Anu lodges. But she has not come down to take it. But then where was she right now?

The temple gong goes – a big bong. A special abishekam is on and Anu is in prayer. Moments later she collects the prasaad and makes her way out….towards the road that takes her to college. A few minutes walk and she is already at the classroom entrance. Once inside, her eyes, in search of someone’s soothing presence, are constantly glued to the entrance. Nothing, not even the droning chit-chats and the juicy gossips that are doing the rounds in the classroom seem to divert her attention from those doors. It is now 7.45 a.m.…with every tick of the clock she is getting more desperate. Well you guessed it….she was waiting for Ramya. But then did she turn up? Yes indeed!

“Ramya”, screamed Anu. The next one minute was the longest silence of Ramya’s life for the entire class was now gazing at her. But shattering this uneasy silence was the college bell that rang thrice. While her classmates resumed their talk-session, Ramya inched her way to her seat, with a sheepish smile and a little embarrassment. The next thing she knew was Anu’s tender smiles accompanied by a plate of prasaad.

Later that evening the two friends were busy shopping as Ramya’s birthday was fast approaching. Once the spending spree was over it was time to unload all the goodies. And so off they went to Ramya’s house, but only to find it locked. “Oh no, I forgot”, whined Ramya. Her parents and elder brother were attending a party that night. Fortunately Ramya had a spare key.

“Now what about dinner?” she pondered. “I shall make it for you”, replied Anu promptly. And so the duo set out to explore the kitchen. But their enthusiasm fizzled out soon as they figured out that there was no oil to cook with. Ramya picked up her bike keys and was off to get the oil while Anu stayed backed to have the vegetables cut.

As Anu was half way through her task, the door bell rang. She opened the door and was surprised to find a young man standing there. He smelled of liquor. The next thing she knew - he had pushed his way into the house, and all the while pounding her with questions. “Who are you? What are you doing in my house?” in his high pitched and menacing voice. Unable to manage his overbearing presence Anu immediately retraced her steps. Once inside, he bombarded her again with questions. But this time Anu was not ready to give up. It was now her turn to retort. And so she did which completely caught him off guard. Quickly collecting his nerves he began yelling, “Ramya…hey Ramya…are you there? Is this another of your rude friends?” Only then did it occur to her that this could be Vinod, Ramya’s elder brother who was supposed to be at the party. She immediately apologized to him and the confusion was resolved.

Moments later, Anu got back to her vegetable cutting while Vinod seated himself on the sofa. He took the seat diagonally opposite to the dining table from where he could have a good view of her. Anu had the gnawing feeling that he deliberately seated himself there. It was moments of absolute discomfort for her. As these thoughts raced through her mind, she realized that a pair of cunning eyes was ogling her. She wriggled, twitched and even adjusted her clothes.

In a flash there he was….standing right next to her. Anu could not believe what happened within the next few seconds. He was reaching for her arms and attempting to molest her. Fury surged within her as she desperately tried to get hold of something to knock him out. As she struggled to save her integrity, her hands fell on the knife lying on the table. She grabbed it with her left hand and threatened to tear him apart. Immediately he backed off.

Just then the gate opened with its usual screeches. Realizing it could be his sister and under fear of being caught, he began to apologize to Anu. He even fell at her feet and begged not to reveal anything to Ramya. But then Anu was not reacting. Shocked by such a demeaning behavior she stood there numb and speechless.
The doorbell rang. Vinod rushed to open it.

“Oh, so you’ve come back. Good. Need some help with cooking”, said Ramya in a totally unsuspecting manner. Just as she followed Vinod into the hall, she noticed Anu glaring at her brother. Something was amiss she realized. She then shook Anu out of her shellshock with her “hey Anu….what happened?”

After a very short, uneasy silence…….muttered Anu, “no….nothing”.
She chose to remain silent for she knew how much Ramya loved her brother and the truth would shatter her. Not wanting to probe any further Ramya dropped the topic at that. Few minutes later, Anu left the house (much to Ramya’s bewilderment). But not before she meekly bid goodnight to her dear friend for whom she was ready to sacrifice anything.

It was sometime before normalcy returned to that house. Vinod was now trying to escape his guilt by constantly meddling with the TV remote. Ramya cleared her throat and spoke firmly, “Next time Anu is around you please stay locked in your room.” Vinod sweat out like he had never done in his life. Mustering up courage, he slowly asked, “But why?”

“I didn’t like the way she looked at you tonight. She was literally scanning you from top to bottom. Does not seem right”, she said.

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