Stop idealizing, people!

Recently, a ‘Tiger’ lost his way in the ‘Woods’ of sexual quagmire. And this hornet’s nest proved to be challenging to his fans and audience…as much as it was for Tiger Woods!

Disappointed and disillusioned, his admirers saw a hero fall off the pedestal! Sports aficionados were ‘hurt’ by Woods’ extra marital affairs. It was a ‘betrayal’ not just to Elin Nordegren, but to millions of golf enthusiasts across the globe. The breach of trust left his followers shattered!

Who is to blame for this disenchantment? Tiger Woods? Absolutely!
However, there is one more answer to it: his fans themselves!

In today’s world, value systems and moral codes are on the fast lane to degeneration. How far you bank on another person is how far you are prepared to risk your judgment. The more you place confidence, the more fatal your fall could be…when he/she lets you down. Idol, star, beau ideal…are words to be erased off the dictionary of modern characterization.

The unhealthy trend to epitomize another person plagues not only one’s social environment but also one’s personal sphere. A father whom you esteemed, a mother whom you wondered at, a spouse whom you cherished could very well be committing adultery, involved in unbecoming deeds or even be nefarious.

What will you do then? Ventilate publicly, splash it around or simply broadcast it??!! My guess is – a likely NO.

You will begin to internalize the pain caused by such deception. Things will fall apart. Anger at oneself for the misplaced trust can lead to drastic emotional disturbance. Finally, once bitten twice shy, you will be reluctant to pin your hopes on someone else who really could be genuine in character. It turns out to be your loss at the end of the day!

So just stop the adoration that could push you down the path to uncertainty. Believe more in yourself than in others. Maintain a degree of objectivity in your relationships. It’s undoubtedly difficult, but not impossible.

As Lord Buddha preached, suffering has a cause. Let that cause not be yourself.

Ultimately, my words are not to emphasize a dystopian approach, but is just a call to prudence and caution.

Practice Before Preaching? Not Necessary.

Well… my above statement is definitely not an attempt at reinventing the wheel or subverting time-tested adages. It is a mere realisation that dawned upon me during a casual conversation with a friend.

It might not be accepted universally. Personally, it has struck a chord with me.

So what was the repartee that stirred me into penning my thoughts?
Here it goes…

A very good friend of mine and I were discussing how to reap the best out of our everyday lives. A plethora of possibilities emerged! Physical wellness, effective stress management, stabilising relationships, personal time and so on…….

In this wave of thought, my friend suggested several options to explore. Quoting her, “you exercise regularly, practice yoga, eat well, listen to soothing music, take up writing, have lesser expectations, be confident, have more hobbies and try to hold back your temper for 30 seconds before you blurt out”.

She went non-stop. Suddenly she paused….for a sec or so. Resuming her monologue she said in a self-critical tone, “I myself don’t do much of what I told you, but anyway”.

Instantly, a halo of enlightenment around me! :):)
Her momentary digression has now set me on path.

Her words had triggered a question in me and I found the answer to it…almost immediately: you don’t have to necessarily practise before preaching. All that qualifies you to give advice is that you care for me, love me abundantly and are genuinely interested in my welfare.

The person advocating might not be impeccable or hardly adhering to his/her words. Nevertheless, their love for us is undiminished. And what better criterion than pure love to urge someone into action??!!!!! Well, at least I don’t require anything more.

The lacunae (if I may use the term) in their existence does not stop them from wanting good for the others in their lives. This has to be respected. And it is applicable to all relationships, especially parents.

Many a times I have scorned directly and otherwise at my parents for prescribing action plans, especially if it is to do with academics or behaviour. I was convinced that they would not have followed all the instructions they gave me. So why should I listen?

I regret it now.

Undoubtedly, I will repeat the same parental instincts when am nurturing a child. I only hope that my kid is wiser enough than me to understand the depth of true affection and not find fault with me. :):)

Now that I’ve captured my mental scribbles on to this blog, you-as-a-reader still might trick me into something new…what if the person counselling is not a near and dear one?

Frankly, I don’t have a reply.

Whether my-so-far-stated-argument applies to strangers and acquaintances is another debate altogether. I will surely delve into it…sooner or later in another blog.

I Have To Confess!

Hi guys,
I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE…

I’ve never really had an opportunity to help people in need or ever made an attempt to create one. But when the right opportunity came my way, I was in for a shock. Shocked, not because of the people I encountered, but because of the chances I had lost all along to make a difference to the world.

However, in life, if you want to serve society….you actually need to be and are invariably selfish!

Confused!!!??? Am I contradicting myself now? No, not at all.

If you give it a deep thought, every person is selfish. Nobody is really selfless.

Let me give you an example, when somebody is out of your life for some reason, “you” miss them. Your words “I miss you” might make them happy. But the truth is that their absence makes ‘you’ unhappy. You put yourself first and then come the others, (applicable to life partners also). But now you don’t have to wriggle in guilt at this natural phenomenon. You just have to ponder about what makes you happy, that’s all.

Therefore, if I were to take this one step further and sincerely advocate that henceforth every human being needs to be selfish and think of his or her happiness only, would it make sense? Yes, it would, if it is to do with serving society in all genuineness.

For instance, when you offer emotional comfort or financial aid to a child who otherwise leads a vapid, impoverished life…what do you get in return? Well… you see an innocent, heartfelt and thankful smile on the child’s face, which would melt any rock! And you rejoice on such an angelic response.

My intention here, however, is not to reduce this benevolent deed to a mere Return On Investment equation. But I strive to point out that you are both the giver and the taker simultaneously. You share a smile and you get back a smile. It’s always a win-win.

A good Samaritan makes himself/herself happy by making others happy. To help oneself attain satisfaction and inner peace, one has to reach out to others. Hence being selfish is a selfless act in itself! Now isn’t that noble?!

So folks start being selfish! Sow the seeds for a better tomorrow!